*Because of the sensitive nature of this story, I choose to respect the identity of the writers/artists involved, some of whom are very well known in the culture. If anybody happens to know who the individuals are I’m writing about, please refrain from exposing them in your comments.
“Why did you stab that boy?”
My aunt titi Olga asked me very matter of factly with a disappointed look on her face as soon as I walked into the entrance of our apartment. I had just spent the last two and a half days fighting and protecting my personal belongings while eating nothing but foul Bolona sandwiches in Central Booking anotherwise known as the Tombs in 100 Centre Street, New York City. I was 15 years old and already charged with attempted murder, armed robbery and a slew of less serious offenses like trespassing. I didn’t have an anwser for her. She expressed her shock and disappointment in me. I was disappointed in myself. Considering my poor upbringing, I managed to showed much promise and potential. I was considered the smartest and the most talented in my family. I had the big personality and was bound to do good things with my life, dispite a few moral indiscretions I showed here and there.The adults in my life had no doubt that I would sooner or later shape up to become a good man. Until now.
In one mindless, egotistical, scared moment, not only did I ruin my life but I ruined the lives of others. An innocent boy was in the Intensive Care Unit in critical condition because of me. I fucked up.
I fucked up so bad that apologies and words could never begin to make it right. The act itself helped solidify my reputation in the graffiti world, a reputation I would have rather done without in hindsight.
Why did I do it? There just isn’t one simple answer to that question, but one truth is that I was scared myself. I unexpectantly found myself alone in the dark tunnel underground of New York City where
anything can happen with no less than a dozen kids, approximately my age and all sizes. I was informed that their would be just five or six of them. I know that number in itself is a little crazy for one man to confront by himself, but it was a feat that I was already used to.
I got to the lay-up from the train station just as the first three climbed down the secret ladder from an escape hatch from above ground. I already had the knife out and had the first three against the wall. One by one I ordered them all to stand against the wall, wondering when they were going to stop. But they wouldn’t stop coming. After the tenth kid, it occurred to me that I might be the one put against the wall. It was just a matter of them deciding to do so. Only in the movies can one man take on a dozen guys. This was real life. I felt it was better for me that I put a stop to any thoughts of taking a stand against me.
One of the kids I was sticking up, I considered to be a good friend. Why would I stick up a good friend? Good friends simply don’t betray and disrespect you. At the time, when graffiti writers and crews were very territorial about yards and lay-ups, 175th lay-up was mine, along with my F.K. boys. Everybody knew that there were consequences to trespassing certein yards. If you got caught in 145th street lay-up, you had to deal with people like Flite, Baby-Rock and FBA. If you got caught in the Ghost, chances were T-Kid, Bio and the Vamp Squad might just get you. This was just how it was back in the day. When it came to the 175th lay-up, I just happened to be the one doing the getting.
I liked my former friend a lot. Wemet at my friend Eddie’s house and got along famously. I thought he was bright, funny and extremely talented. We had sleep-overs and shared many fun times together. I rememberracking graffiti supplies with him, and trying to teach him how to vamp other kids for their shit. This was actually hilarious because he was so not the type. We were cool. So cool that I took him to the lay-up and showedhim secrets that not even Min-One and RTW knew about when they ran the yard back in their hey day. How did I know this for sure? Because their was not one tag in these secret entrances and exits. They were untouched by vandals. I showed my friend the lay-up with one request. Never ever take anybody into these tunnels, much less show expose my secrets. He promised me he wouldn’t and I trusted him.
But sometimes we do things we know we shouldn’t do, because we think we’re going to get away with it. This is just human nature. Prisons are filled with people with kind of thinking. Because he was my friend, I’m sure he didn’t think there would be such severe repercussions. Why should he? All he got to see was the sweet, silly, kind side that only my friends and family got to see at the time. My ugly side was reserved for the physically threatening and utterly disrespectful. Taking one or two kids to the lay-up would have been disrespectful as far as I’m concerned. Bringing upwards to 15 kids was just a big “fuck you” to me on his behalf. I felt I had to do something, much less be dissed and have my reputation compromised.
At 15, most of us are not sophisicated enough to fully understand our own natures, much less our friends. My friend underestimated my wrath, just as I foolishly overestimated his loyalty. The results were tragic. I thank God that the boy lived. I would never attempt to justify my actions. I can only explain them and let people think what they want for themselves. Out of everything in my life, I regret this day the most. Not only did I disappoint myself, I lost a good friend and I ruined an innocent life. That boy did not deserve what I did in the least. A legend was born out of that day, but it’s not a legend that I’m proud of. Being feared is a lot different than being respected. It’s taken some growing up and maturity to understand this. If somebody happens to look up to me this day, I should hope that it’s because they see an intelligent, talented, thinking man who strives to the right thing. Sometimes I fail but most times, I succeed.
To all those involved in that incident that day, for whatever it’s worth, I’m truly am sorry.
Posted on October 29, 2007 at 08:25 AM | Comment (5 comments)
