It should have been a pleasant fall afternoon spent with my new friend Emma in bed. Emma wasn’t exactly a new friend. I met her the winter prior at Heart Throbs in 1985 where she was a permanent fixture. We danced together many times and shared just as many drinks. We even had breakfast together at the Chelsea Square diner a couple of times. For some reason, we never hooked up. I like to think that it was because I didn’t need to, but the real reason was probably because I was to slow to close the deal. At 16 years old, it wasn’t like I was exactly swimming in my choice of women or should I say girls. The week before we finally made out and she let me suck on a breast in one of the dark nooks in the balcony area of Heart Throbs. She had pretty, pink, puffy nipples.
Emma’s father was a repair man and would be gone for the day, catching up on the repairs that had to be made through out the Chelsea projects. She was estranged from her mother for some secret, dark reason. We just had to wait for her little 13 year old brother Emilio to get lost for the day, but he was too busy showing off what a little bad ass he was for me.
I know a lot of graffiti writers. Better graffiti writers than you.
Yeah? That’s cool.
As impatient as I felt, I felt somewhat obligated to entertain the kid at the very least. After all, I was here to try and fuck his older sister and he knew it. I always instinctively knew that the guys that frequented my house were there to try to sleep with my aunt Olga and occasionally, my cousin/sister Patricia. The least that these men were going to do was pay me ten minutes of attention and hit me off with no less than ten bucks to get lost for a few hours. My aunt got so angry at me when she caught me going into one of her drunken boyfriend’s pockets in the corridor of our apartment. I thought he was so drunk that he wouldn’t be able to recall the incident, but he dud and never came back to my house. My aunt went through a three month drought as a result, and the following boyfriend was even sleazier than the last. I didn’t rob this one though. The bitchy-ness brought on by my aunt’s sexual frustration just wasn’t worth it. Plus,the new guy had a heart condition. I wasn’t chancing any heart attacks.
I went in my pockets to fish out some money. Flipped through some twenties to find that the smallest bill I had was a ten. Fuck! I didn’t want to give the kid a ten spot. The little bastard already eyed the dough. Too late, I was obligated. The kid snatched the ten off me even before I finished extending it to him. He didn’t say thanks and that really annoyed me.
I told you he was cool. Emma gushed over me, kissing me on the cheek.
Then why is everybody afraid of you then? …If you’re so cool.
I shrugged my shoulders. I don’t know. Some people are just afraid of life in general, I explained to him.
I looked at Emma. You aren’t afraid of me, are you?
Please, I know what’s up. You’re one big teddy bear underneath it all.
See. I lectured. Real people are never afraid.
Go ahead. Go outside. Emma urged him.
Yeah. Why don’t you do that? I tried to help. Go play some video games or something.
You guys just want to fuck! I’m going to tell Dad, yelled the little bastard.
You creep! I don’t want to fuck! I’m still a freaking virgin and Dad knows it. For Christ’s sake!
I almost broke my neck looking at her. A virgin! What the hell? What does this mean? I thought to myself. Shit! I wanted my ten dollars back.
Your sister and I just want to hang out and get to know each other. I gave you ten bucks, come on now. Later!
My eyes grew unfriendly, even downright hostile. The kid studied them, trying not to, but slowly becoming afraid of me. My eyes penetrated him harder. His eyes watered. He didn’t like being intimidated, especially in his own house. The kid suddenly left with out saying a word, slamming the door behind him. Emma locked all five locks on the door behind him.
It’s like Fort Knox in here.
Nah, two of them only lock from the inside. This way nobody can come in on us.
I nodded. Maybe I should have something like that in my own room. My aunt was always intruding on me in the middle of a finger pop or a tit suck.
So you’re a virgin?
Emma nodded proudly.
Shit.
Emma was shocked that I had just said that.
What is that suppose to mean?
It means exactly what it means. Shit!
I’ve always had a knack for saying the wrong things. Is that all you came here for? To fuck! Emma said defensively.
It’s just that I like you so much. I just wanted to be with you. You know, get to know you. There’s nothing wrong with me wanting to make love to you. Is there?
I walked up on her and grabbed her by the waist, pulling her pelvis into mine. We were warm. Occasionally I did and said the right things.
Emma blushed. I do other things. It’s just that I’m saving myself for marriage.
This could only mean that she sucked dick I instantly convinced myself. I felt the horns spouting on top of my head. This was going to be fun.
You do other things? Hmmmm. Like what?
I could jerk you off.
I jerk off everyday! Why would I want you to jerk me off?
Emma looked nervous. I don’t think she wanted to blow it with me. I felt bad for her.
I tell you what? I offered. If you let me look at your pussy, I’ll masterbate to it.
Emma grinned, loving my idea. You will?
I have no shame in my game!
Emma skipped to her room. I followed.
Emma wasn’t the hottest girl, but she was definitely cute and adorable. She had straight black hair cut into a bob with black Asiatic eyes that she highlighted with eyeliner and a few beauty marks positioned in all the right places on her face. At 5’3” she was about ten pounds overweight. Her chubby cheeks made her look heavier than she actually was. She had breasts for days, but her legs were a little skinny for my taste and I think most Latin guys as well. I thought that she would make a good girlfriend, but I was indecisive because I had not learned to cheat yet. It would be two years and a broken heart before I learned to do that. Well… very well.
Emma and I laid on her bed, making out. I felt her ass. She removed my hand, so I put it on her crotch instead. She slapped it.
Stop!
What? I asked innocently, making believe I didn’t do anything that violated her.
I whispered in Emma’s ear. I want you to suck my dick.
You want me to what?
For some reason I immediately felt silly. You know…..
No! I don’t know? Emma was pissed. I had not seen her temper before now.
I should throw you out my house! How dare you disrespect me like that?
I’m just saying, I said, not knowing what else to say.
BANG! BANG! BANG! The banging on the door startled both Emma and I. Usually only cops and landlords banged on the door like that. Since Emma’s father was the super, it must have been the cops. I didn’t have any warrants, not that I could think of anyway. I thought again. No, I most definitely didn’t have any warrants. What the hell then?
Who is it? Emma yelled walking to the door.
Me! The little brother answered aggressively from outside. Open the fucking door! He banged and kicked on the door more.
What’s your problem? Emma yelled through the door, perplexed by her brother’s behavior.
This has nothing to do with you! There was some more banging on the door.
Open the fuck up!
Then I heard the chanting: “Psychooo! Come out and plaaaay!” I rushed to the door and looked through the peep hole. Someone banged it with their fist. As soon as the fist was removed, I could see that the hallway was filled with a posse of 13, 14 and 15 year old neighborhood kids. I snatched my Air Nikes and forced them back on my feet without untying the laces. I took off my watch and bracelet and stuffed them in my pocket.
The chanting continued “Come out, Psycho! Come out and plaaaay!” This was followed by more banging, except that this banging wasn’t produced by a human fist. It sounded like it was made by a pipe or bat. Whatever the object was, it was obvious that it was very hard and was capable of much damage if inflicted upon me.
Your little brother’s a real little punk motherfucker, you know that? I yelled at Emma, who looked like she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. She went to the door and looked in the peep hole. She was startled by an immediate bang.
Emilio! Why are you doing this?
This has nothing to do with you! Send that bitch ass Psycho out! We’re gonna fuck his ass up.
I’m calling the cops, Emilio.
Why you got to call the cops for? I thought Psycho was an ill nigga, why he needs the cops?
Emilio, this is really fucked up what you’re doing! Wait until Dad gets home.
Psycho’s going to be dead before Dad even thinks about coming home. You stupid bitch!
Emilio’s friends got a laugh out of this. They sounded like a pack of little, dirty hyenas.
I searched the house for an adequate weapon. There wasn’t a pipe, chain or baseball bat in sight. At this point I was simply acting on primal instincts, abandoning any rational thought process I might have. Since I was never one to take flight, I was looking for the best way to fight.
Where does your father keep his gun?
My father doesn’t have a gun. He goes to church.
That made sense since she thought she was going to save herself until marriage. I went for a kitchen knife, but thought that this wasn’t a good situation for a knife. A knife could too easily be turned against me. In fact, in a situation like this, I knew most weapons could be turned against me within seconds. All they had to do was bum rush me all at once, and beat me with my own weapon of choice. How stupid and pathetic would that be?
Only some kind of gun would do. A fierce, shiny, black 357 was better than having a big brother in a predicament such as this. One gun could make a small army part like the red sea. Nobody wants to be blown away. There’s one major draw back when introducing guns, you just might have to actually pull the trigger and that could result to a life of incarceration. It’s a lose/lose situation no matter how you look at it.
I went back to the door and lay on the floor and looked under the crack of it. I saw way too many pairs of sneakers for my comfort.
Emma went to the phone and called 911. I hung up the receiver on her and shook my head no. No matter drama I found myself in, calling the cops had never been an option.
Are you crazy?
Give me the phone.
I snatched the phone from her and dialed Eddie’s number. Lily picked up. Her voice was groggy at 12:30 pm on a Sunday afternoon.
Lily! It’s an emergency. Get Eddie!
I’m sleeping.
Click. Fuck!
I thought and dialed another number.
West’s mother Sonia answered the phone.
Hi Sonia, it’s me, Psycho.
Psycho! How are you, Sweetheart?
I’m fine.
When you’re coming over?
When are you making those potato pancakes? I love them.
That’s for the holidays, Sweetheart, but please come by soon.
I will. Is Isaac home by any chance?
No Sweety, he stepped out about two hours ago with Betty.
Okay. Will you tell him that I called for him?
Of course I will.
Thank you.
Bye.
Bye Sonia.
Click. Double fuck!
Oh shit! It hit me who I really should be calling.
I called my boy Fer from 163rd street. I needed someone who was just as thorough and uncompromising as me. His sister, Euralis picked up. Euralis was cute and we flirted and even made out at times, but I never wanted Fer to know. I didn’t think he would appreciate me messing around with his baby sister. Fer was a little volatile like me.
Euralis, it’s me, Psycho. Please get Fer, I’m in trouble.
Hey Psycho, what’s up? What are you-----
What’s up, my nigga? Fer’s voice came on. I heard Euralis call him a jerk in the background.
Fer! I love you, Baby! I jumped up and down in excitement, knowing that help would be on the way.
What’s up?
Yo, these kids from Chelsea got me trapped up in that girl Emma’s crib from Heart Throbs.
Emma? Isn’t that home girl with the chinky eyes, kind of cute, but kind of whack?
Yeah!
My nigga Psycho! I didn’t know you were fucking that?
Fer, they got me trapped up in here. Like fifty of them. I exaggerated.
What? Are they bugging?
They’re bugging hard, Fer! If you have to go to my house, I have a joint under my mattress and an Uzi in the top shelf in my closet. They’re both fully loaded.
Emma listened to the conversation in disbelief. She ran to the door.
Emilio leave! He has guns!
Fuck that! That faggot doesn’t have any guns! You’re just trying to save him.
No, his boys are coming.
You think I’m stupid, you fat bitch!
Fuck you then, you stupid asshole!
She looked at me, stressed. I shrugged my shoulders.
I gave Fer the address. I’m gonna call my aunt now so she let you in my room.
Nah, that’s okay. We got enough heat to take down the 34th precinct. Hold tight, Psycho. I’m coming down with Ed-Vic and the posse.
The posse was my 163/164 street and Broadway crew that I rolled with every weekend. There were about twenty of us in all. We liked to drink, smoke and go dancing and have a good time. Occasionally beef came to us and then we liked to settle it, most of the time with our hands and every so often with whatever was necessary.
My chest swelled up, knowing that the odds were going to be switched up on these punk motherfuckers outside.
Your brother really fucked with the wrong one, you know that?
They’re only doing this because they think they’ll get a reputation if they fuck you up.
You think? I asked sarcastically.
I went to the door and kicked it.
You know who I am? I shouted through it.
Yeah! The pussy motherfucker we’re gonna fuck up! One of the kids shouted back.
I looked through the peep hole.
I saw the face of a tall, lanky Puerto Rican kid with unruly hair. He hit the door with a hammer.
That’s going to be your face! Come on Psycho. Don’t be a pussy and come out and PLAAAAY! He taunted me.
I banged on the door, pissed as hell.
I’m going to kill all of you little motherfuckers!
We’re gonna fuck you and your mother and then kill you both, you faggot motherfucker!
My arrogance resented being in this situation. In the graffiti world, I was both well respected and feared by most of the community. Now because of my reputation, I had a pack of mangy little dogs trying to capitalize on it at the expense of my beaten down body or maybe even worst.
The kids banged and kicked on the door for the next 15-20 minutes. The voices seem to accumulate. Every minute that passed seemed like a day. I didn’t want to doubt my people and I didn’t want to think that that some circumstances beyond their control would stop them from rescuing me. What if Fer lost the address? This was way before the day of cell phones and even though Fer had a beeper, I didn’t have the number on me. What an asshole I thought of myself for not making sure that I gave him Emma’s home number. Anxiety and uncertainty crept into my mind and seeped through my soul.
Emma sat on the sofa with her arms crossed, biting her nails. I’m not sure if she was worried for me or the potential danger she knew her little brother had foolishly put himself in. I wasn’t so sure what the outcome of all this would be.
Then I heard something that put an instant smile on my face. The beat to “Eric B for President” was being cut up by D.J. Red Alert. I was familiar to Ed Vic’s cassette tape that was blaring outside Emma’s building. I hurried to the window to see the first shiny brand new Lincoln Town car pulling up out front.
Yeah Motherfuckers! I exclaimed. Then another Lincoln Town car pulled up and another one and one more. They all double parked. I saw Fer, Ed-Vic and Big Mark exit one car. I grinned.
Emma ran to the window and gasped. Oh my God.
Smurf, Totem, Little Alan and Henry got out the other cars with a few Dominican dudes from 163rd street that I’ve only knew by face. Totem carried a blunt object wrapped in a triple goose down jacket, an Uzi, no doubt.
Emma ran to the door. Emilio leave! Leave now! Tears flooded her eyes. She attempted to unlock the doors. I stopped her and pushed her away. I liked Emma and hated that things had come to this so unpredictably.
Fuck that! We’re not going anywhere until that faggot motherfucker Psycho comes out.
That’s right! Don’t leave. I’m coming out in a couple minutes!
More than one of them kicked and banged on the door.
The random bangs and kicks stopped. The hallway was more silent than it had been in the last hour. Someone knocked on the door in a more civilized manner. I looked through the peephole to see two very friendly faces, Fer and Ed-Vic.
I unlocked all five locks and swung the door open and gave Fer a hug.
Fuck man, I never thought it would be so good to see you guys!
Yo, you’re scared of these little punk asses.
I stepped into the hallway. It was filled with no less than twenty five little bastards. They were all silent and looked scared to death. It’s amazing what a difference one minute could make. Totem was at the very end of the hallway with his back against a window, pointing an Uzi at them. Everyone else had some kind of gun in their hand, everything from a Berretta to a Desert Eagle. Fer passed me a nine.
I looked for Emilio. He was trying to make himself look invisible behind some of his friends.
Come here, Emilio.
The kid looked at me in the verge of tears.
COME HERE! I screamed at the top of my lungs.
The little bastard slowly made his way to me, having a hard time holding back his tears. I went into his pockets and took my ten dollars back.
Go in your house with your sister and lock the door. As he walked in, I kicked him up the ass. Hard.
I looked for the kid with that hammer that was doing most of the talking. I spotted him.
What’s up, homey?
His face was hard. He looked the least scared out of all his friends. He still had his hammer in his hand. Good choice of weapons, very original, I thought.
Come here, Thor.
He obeyed. I cocked the nine and shoved it in the middle of his forehead. He didn’t blink an eye. Shit, I thought.
Are you the one that wanted me to come out and Plaaay?
He didn’t answer.
I like that. That’s a good line from the Warriors. Right?
I wondered why did everybody looked at me like if I was crazy, even this punk kid.
What’s your name?
Richie.
Ri-CHIE…It’s time to Plaaay! I cackled.
I’ll fight you one on one right now. Richie challenged.
Oh no, Ritchie. We’re way, way, way past fighting now. You lost that option from the get go.
I shoved the gun into his forehead harder.
The only thing I want to do is blow your fucking brains out, you little asshole. How dare you come for me like that with your little Chihuahua friends? You know very well who I am.
Shoot me then, motherfucker!
Damn, this kid was putting me on the spot. This wasn’t good. I looked at Fer. He shrugged his shoulders.
This little Cabron got some heart. Hold on a sec.
I placed my hand on his chest. His heart was beating no less than two hundred times a minute and was about to burst out his chest.
Oh shit! Fer check this out.
Fer felt his heart rate. Oh snap! He started laughing. I invited Totem and Ed-Vic to do the same. We all laughed at him.
Yo Homey, you must play some good poker. I teased, engaging in psychological warfare.
I took the gun off his forehead.
Listen, if I shoot you with this, you’re no longer going to exist. You have any brothers and sisters?
Ritchie shook his head no.
Imagine how your mother’s going to feel losing her only. How old is she?
About 50.
Damn! That bitch is old. She won’t even be able to replace you with another kid. She’s going to have to get a dog or cat. That’s fucked up. I used to have a son named Ritchie, but now I have a poodle named Ritchie. She’ll be sad if I kill you.
I don’t care.
You’re too stupid to care. I’m not going to kill you. Besides, I looked at my brand new Coca Cola rugby shirt from Macy’s, I don’t want your blood and brain matter all over my new favorite shirt.
Fer, take this away from me. I gave him the 9. Let me get something smaller. Someone passed me a Beretta. I thought it was a cute gun. I closed one eye and aimed at Ritchie’s feet. I was going to scare the shit out of him.
Are you ready, Ritchie. Are you ready to see what hot lead feels like in your foot?
Ritchie’s poker face was gone. He was pale and scared.
I looked at the ceramic tiles on the floor. I aimed five tiles to the right from his right foot. I squeezed. The gunshot echoed through out the hallway. My ears were ringing. Ritchie screamed at the top of his lungs. I looked and blood was spurting out at the toe of his blue Nike Cortez. Holy shit! I shot him. How did that happen? I looked at Fer.
Let’s be out.
We all ran down the stairs and out the building. We piled into the Lincoln Town cars. The cars drove away up Eighth Avenue.
You’re fucking crazy! Fer shrilled at me. Yeah, I might have been crazy, but I sure didn’t feel good about it.
Yo bee, that wasn’t cool. Totem told me. What if that kid tries to get you? You never know. Totem was absolutely right, you just never know. That’s the way beef is, it’s always free to haunt you ten, fifteen, even thirty years later.
Let’s check out some Kung-Fu flicks on the deuce. Big mark and Ed-Vic both suggested.
Fer directed the driver to take us to Times Square. We heard the faint sound of police sirens, most likely going to the Chelsea projects.
I thought about Ritchie. I wondered why he was so hard. He reminded me of myself in many ways. Was it his parents that made him like that? He was destined to kill at some point in his life I was sure. My shooting him was going to do one of two things. It would teach him that he wasn’t invincible and humble him, possibly saving him from a life of unnecessary pain and incarceration or it would make him more angrier than he already was and a lot more ruthless, causing him to become a true menace to society. I had the feeling that with a kid like Ritchie, it would be the latter.
I thought about Emma and what a nice girl she was, the nicest girl I’ve ever met at the time. She wasn’t jaded and hard like the girls from my neighborhood. She still had dreams and hope. She would have been good for me. I needed a girl like her to soothe the beast within me.
This piece is dedicated to Fer, Big Mark and Smurf. I know you’re all looking down at me from Heaven and laughing at all the bullshit I have a talent of always getting myself into. I’ll always love and never forget you guys.
Posted on October 27, 2007 at 04:23 PM | Comment (5 comments)
