“Leaving the Hotel Bordentown”

June 21st 1993

I didn’t sleep more than 45 minutes through out the entire night. How could I? I got out of my bunk at about 5.30 am and took a shower and got dressed. I took pains to be considerate of the sleeping. I had given away any belongings I had to Eddie and some of the other guys on my tier hours earlier. I went to the TV area. Blood was watching the early morning news. Despite the name, the guy was harmless, at least to my standards. I don’t know the details of what he was in for, I just knew he had life and it had something to do with raping a local politician’s daughter during a burglary. Blood didn’t like me because once I found out he had been gang raped, I threw it in his face every chance I got. It didn’t matter to me if he deserved it or not. 

It was the first day of summer and Sam Champion predicted perfect temperatures and conditions for a man’s first day of freedom in five and a five years. I never thought this day would come and I still didn’t believe it. I couldn’t help but imagine that some kind of bullshit administrative mistake would pop up at the last minute and I would be detained until farther notice. I’ve seen these things happen. It could break a man to insanity. I could not allow myself to be excited yet.

Soon enough, the rest of H-Wing woke up. I said my superficial good-byes to most of the guys. I made promises that I didn’t intend to keep. Most of the guys pretended to be happy for me, but it was bullshit. It’s a hard thing to see another man walk past those gates, especially on a day like today, and you’re still stuck here until whenever they say. If you’re not a jealous person by nature, this is the one thing that just might change that.

The hardest good-bye was to Eddie, we had been through a lot of up and downs but always managed to stick by each one other through thick and thin. I couldn’t help feel guilty for leaving him behind. I wished he was his usual asshole, sarcastic self for this one time only. It would have made it easier for me to leave. But he was nothing but graceful about my departure, even with hurt, sad eyes.

At 8.45 am, I was escorted in back into the building through the Sally port and into the Administration’s office where I had to sign release papers and certificates and things of that nature. Afterwards I was allowed to walk out the front door. Even though I was still on prison property, it was a surreal experience.  West was no where in sight, but on a day like today, it was just fine with me. I sat on the stoop of the prison entrance. The sun shined on my face for the first time as a free man in over 5 years. He arrived 20 minutes later. I said what’s up and got into his Honda Accord. I was quiet for most of the ride. It was nice to hear a mixed taped with up to date music. I listened to a group called Wu-Tang and a guy named the Notorious B.I.G.  for the first time. West filled me in on the current events within our circle. There was a magazine named the Source that everybody read and West had a clothing line called PNB Nation with my friend Serge, along with my future friends, Brue and Bluster. Both of whom I put down with Tc-5.  He broke heartbreaking news about his mother Sonia who was a mother figure to me. She always vowed to make a man out of me. I hope she wouldn’t be disappointed if she could see me today.  I tried to engage in the conversation, but couldn’t. I was anxiety stricken. I felt that any minute, New Jersey State troopers would pull us over and arrest us. I couldn’t feel at peace until we got over the George Washington Bridge and only then, would my ordeal be over…somewhat.

I was 24 years old. I might have been free, but I wasn’t naïve. My life was fucked. I was a young, uneducated minority with a felony conviction. How did I let my life get to this point?  Even more importantly…now what?

Posted on October 25, 2007 at 01:04 PM   |   Previous Entry   |   Next Entry   |   Entry List   |   Email Entry   |    Digg

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